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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24796903">kiss me under the light of a thousand stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/boutaeque/pseuds/boutaeque'>boutaeque</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Dissociation, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Star-Tear Disease, i found an au idea on twitter so, if youre from Discord hi this sucks sorry, this was a lot longer than i intended it to be, triggering content</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:07:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,468</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24796903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/boutaeque/pseuds/boutaeque</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇-𝓉ℯ𝒶𝓇 𝒹𝒾𝓈ℯ𝒶𝓈ℯ<br/>➳ the sparkly star-like tears are the cause of unrequited love<br/>➳ only if your feelings are returned will the disease be cured<br/>➳ if not, the bright glimmer of the tears will eventually blind you<br/>➳ severe cases of the star-tear disease may lead to memory loss</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>kiss me under the light of a thousand stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello!! im only posting this on AO3 because this fic got longer than i expected it to be, so haha sorry i cant write angst,,</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇-𝓉ℯ𝒶𝓇 𝒹𝒾𝓈ℯ𝒶𝓈ℯ<br/>
➳ the sparkly star-like tears are the cause of unrequited love<br/>
➳ only if your feelings are returned will the disease be cured<br/>
➳ if not, the bright glimmer of the tears will eventually blind you<br/>
➳ severe cases of the star-tear disease may lead to memory loss</p>
<p>.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・.・゜✭・.・・゜・</p>
<p>𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚞𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚏𝚞𝚔𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚒 𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚛 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖<br/>
7:45𝚙𝚖 ミ☆</p>
<p>Bokuto sighed, the feeling of Akaashi’s gentle hands in his hair calming him. “Hey, Akaashi, do you think we’ll still see each other after I graduate?”</p>
<p>The raven glanced down at his friend in his lap with a tender smile. “I’m sure we will, Bokuto-san. It’d be a shame if I stopped seeing you around.”</p>
<p>Bokuto flashed back his own big smile, and if Akaashi’s heart skipped a beat he didn’t show it. The two sat in silence, the only noise in the locker room being Akaashi’s quiet humming.</p>
<p>.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・.・゜✭・.・・゜・</p>
<p>𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚞𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚍𝚊𝚢,<br/>
𝚏𝚞𝚔𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚒 𝚐𝚢𝚖𝚗𝚊𝚜𝚒𝚞𝚖<br/>
10:30𝚊𝚖 ミ☆</p>
<p>“Ban Hashimoto.” </p>
<p>“Bessho Hando.”</p>
<p>“Bokuto Koutarou.” </p>
<p>Akaashi blinked sleepily at the sound of a familiar name. Bokuto bounded up to the podium, shaking the principle’s hand with excited vigor. The second year felt his lips quirk at the sight of his best friend. It widened into a full, proud smile when Bokuto spotted him and waved aggressively.</p>
<p>With a swooping stomach, Akaashi recalled all the days they had spent together.</p>
<p>The slow Saturdays spent passing to one another.</p>
<p>The trips to the ice cream shop where Bokuto would complain about his dripping rainbow sherbet.</p>
<p>The tranquil walks to Akaashi’s house filled with giggling and dad jokes.</p>
<p>Tears filled his eyes, a twinkling sound accompanying it. Akaashi blinked rapidly, trying to will away the too-bright salty liquid. His eyes hurt, the pain was unbearable, but the bittersweet feeling in his chest didn’t stop. <em>Why won’t it stop?</em></p>
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<p>He lifted his hand to his face; it seemed too bright in the gymnasium. White spots appeared in his field of vision, the glimmering sound of his tears continuing and he’s blinking and crying but the light won’t go away please go <em>away stop blinding me!</em></p>
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  <em>Bokuto-san...</em>
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<p>.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・.・゜✭・.・・゜・</p>
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<p>𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔𝚜 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛,<br/>
𝚝𝚘𝚔𝚢𝚘 𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚕<br/>
4:20(𝚑𝚎𝚑𝚎)𝚙𝚖 ミ☆</p>
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<p>Darkness.</p>
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<p>Akaashi sluggishly peeled his eyes open, only to be met with more darkness. He was tired of the black screen constantly covering his eyes, for no matter how mant times he tried to blink or rub it away, his vision didn’t return.</p>
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<p>“Hi, Akaashi! How you holding up?” A chipper voice came from the left of his bed.</p>
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<p>That was another thing, though not necessarily a bad one. When the raven first woke up, the presence of another boy accompanied with a bright voice had greeted him. Asked Akaashi if he remembered him. He didn’t.</p>
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<p>“Um, I’m doing fine at the moment, thank you for your concern.” Why did he care so much?</p>
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<p>“That’s great!! Anyway, I brought you your favorite food... Nanohana no Karashiae, right? I’m right, aren’t I?”</p>
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<p>A long pause.</p>
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<p>“Who were you to me?” Akaashi blurted before he could stop himself.</p>
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<p>Even with the painfully empty black encompassing him, he could feel the mood dim.</p>
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<p>“A-ah, just your best friend...” The voice resonated off the walls of the hospital room. </p>
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<p>“Oh. I’m sorry I don’t remember you, I’m not sure why-“</p>
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<p>“No!! Don’t apologize, Akaashi. It’s not your fault that stupid star-tear thing made you forget.” In a tone so soft Akaashi almost missed it, he added, “It’s probably mine, actually.”</p>
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<p>His stomach dropped. “I see,” he managed to choke out.</p>
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<p>The boy breathed a strangled laugh, no doubt in an attempt to steer away from the topic. “A-anyway, here’s your lunch!” The sound of a kind best friend placing food onto his lap. “I’m Bokuto, by the way. I won’t see you for a while because I’ll be busy with college preperation, so see you!”</p>
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<p>And he was gone.</p>
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<p>.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・.・゜✭・.・・゜・</p>
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<p>𝚏𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚑𝚜 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛,<br/>
𝚝𝚘𝚔𝚢𝚘 𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚢<br/>
9:00𝚙𝚖 ミ☆</p>
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<p>Bokuto stumbled into the lecture hall, staying mindful of the bustling college students passing by.</p>
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<p>Slumping into an empty chair, Bokuto leaned against his arms. As he waited for their professor to arrive, his memory leapt back to his highschool days.</p>
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<p>The slow Saturdays with Akaashi spent passing the ball back and forth.</p>
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<p>The trips to the ice cream shop where Akaashi helped Bokuto wipe down his sherbet-covered shirt.</p>
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<p>The tranquil walks to Akaashi’s house filled with gentle smiles and exasperated fondness.</p>
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<p>Emptiness filled Bokuto to the brim and left nothing but loneliness, guilt, hatred.</p>
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<p>Akaashi didn’t remember him. His best friend didn’t remember him. The boy he’s been in love with didn’t remember him.</p>
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  <em>And it’s all your fault.</em>
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<p>There really wasn’t anyone else to blame but himself. The thought that he caused the beautiful boy’s blindness and memory loss kept him up at night, tossing and turning and silencing his cries like he taught himself to do after the younger unintentionally removed him from his life.</p>
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<p>The noise of their professor walking through the door did nothing to stop the path his mind was going down. Bokuto felt the darkness inside swallow him up, leaving him with nothing but his battered heart and cruel thoughts.</p>
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  <em>Why couldn’t I tell him?</em>
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  <em>Why couldn’t I save him?</em>
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  <em>Why Why Why Why WHY?!<em></em></em>
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  <em>Why did he love me?</em>
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<p>Bokuto couldn’t cry. He didn’t feel like crying, anyway. His head felt muffled, as if it was filled with cotton. Almost like he was detached from his body.</p>
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<p>Blink. He’s running down the hallway.</p>
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<p>Blink. He’s climbing up the stairs, the floaty headspace in his mind confusing him.</p>
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<p>Blink. When did he get here? </p>
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    <em></em>
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<p>He’s on the roof, staring out into the trees dancing in the wind, leaves whistling past him.</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p>
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<p>
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<p>Freedom. Orange and yellow and red leaves with the freedom to fly in the wind; maybe he could fly if he tried, too.</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>Bokuto stuck a leg over the edge of the building, wondering if six stories was high enough to kill someone. Wondered if the world was so against him that it wouldn’t let him die either.</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>Blink. “Hello?”</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>Bokuto froze, looking down at the phone in his hand. </p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
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    <em></em>
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<p>
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</p>
<p>
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<p>As if he could ever forget the soft lilt to his voice, the deep pitch used to calm Bokuto when he was down, his honey smooth pronunciation.</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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<p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“Akaaaashiiiiiii,” the call read, a selfie of the two staring cross-eyed at the camera, peace signs held behind each other’s head.</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
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</p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“Oh. Hi, Akaashi.”</p>
<p>
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</p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
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</p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“Hello, I’m assuming this is Bokuto. Did you need something?”</p>
<p>
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</p>
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<p>Bokuto’s stomach churned, a reminder that he wasn’t made for this, for, for talking to people. He would hurt Akaashi again. </p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
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<p>No, he couldn’t hurt him again. <em>I need to go.</em></p>
<p>
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</p>
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</p>
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</p>
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</p>
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<p>“Sorry, Akaashi. I must’ve called you on accident.”</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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    <em></em>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“That’s okay.” </p>
<p>
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</p>
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<p>No, it wasn’t okay. Bokuto vowed to never speak to Akaashi again, to ever let himself hurt the other again. So why was it that he could never bring himself to delete his number or their photos? </p>
<p>
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</p>
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<p>His voice brought Bokuto back to the present. “So... How have you been?”</p>
<p>
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</p>
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<p>“I’m fine.” I’m fine, a knee-jerk reaction to any question concerning his well-being. “I-I mean, I’ve been doing good. College is hard, but what can you do, I guess.” Bokuto leaned over the edge, revelling in how high off the ground he was.</p>
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<p>Akaashi was talking again, but he listened more to the sound of his voice through the speaker rather than his words. “Hey, Akaashi.”</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
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</p>
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</p>
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<p>
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</p>
<p>“Yes, Bokuto-san?”</p>
<p>
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</p>
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</p>
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</p>
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<p>“Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to fly? I think we would feel less trapped in this cruel world if we could just... spread our wings and leave to the sky.” A strong gust of wind urged him closer to the edge. The stars glimmered down on him.</p>
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<p>The boy on the other side was silent in his confusion. “...Where are you right now?”</p>
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</p>
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</p>
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<p>“Oh, just on the roof of a building.” </p>
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</p>
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</p>
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<p>“Bokuto-san, what are you doing up there?”</p>
<p>
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</p>
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</p>
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<p>“Wondering what it’d be like to fly.”</p>
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</p>
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<p>He grinned bitterly at the sharp intake of breath from Akaashi.</p>
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<p>“H-hey, why don’t you come down from there? There are people down here waiting to see you.”</p>
<p>
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</p>
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<p>Except there weren’t. Bokuto was a coward constantly reminding himself of how little he mattered in the world, of how he didn’t deserve any drop of affection. He had no friends or family or pets or anyone who cared. And that’s what he deserved.</p>
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<p>“I like it up here though, Akaashi. The stars are so bright tonight.”</p>
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<p>Akaashi made a choked sound. “Bokuto-san, plea-“</p>
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<p>The boy cut him off before any more desperation could creep into his voice. “I’m gonna fly now, Akaashi. Maybe I’ll reach the stars.”</p>
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<p>He hung up, smiling up at the bright dots littering the night sky. “Guess you’ll be okay without me, huh?”</p>
<p>
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<p>Bokuto took a deep breath and leapt.</p>
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</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading,,, i might extend it if i ever feel like it :) &lt;3</p>
<p>- also!! if you didnt know, dissociation is that floaty/out of body feeling that bokuto was experiencing, i learned it from another fic and thought it was interesting to include it. when it occurs, the person isnt aware of their actions and it feels like every time they blink theyre somewhere they dont remember going to and doing something they dont remember doing. its a symptom of depression and trauma hehdjska sorry :’)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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